a young girl, only twelve or thirteen, she wanted friends, dance, ballet a teacher, old, tired, bullied, terrorized she didn’t like him either I needed her for him there, then and she did stand up strong, a warrior of light, feeling that she didn’t fit in the years went by, she left her home, racism, anti-semitism and settled in the land of her dreams, her foremothers and -fathers what now? what here? I showed her. her parents at breaking point “me?” she asked, “you want me to help you?” she thought it was up to her, but it was ME, I needed her, never fitting in marriage, abuse, divorce home that never was, never will be, never was meant to be leaving it all behind for the big, new promised land of contradictions, of disputes, mc donald’s, gap and blues she never liked it much and yet, she stayed, never fitting in kansas city, racism, again standing up was not fitting in, calling it out was not fitting in, but I needed her innocence, her girlish rebel from across the sea, then, there and it worked, never fitting in fifteen years ge, paris, france, bangalore, delhi, hydrabad, mumbai, tokyo, beijing, hangzhou, london, sweden, germany, russia then a spark: “you should pursue coaching as a career!" she was intrigued, liked education, higher education because finally she might fit in but that’s not what i needed her to do speak the truth, serve, help, get comfortable in the muck, love the muck, the tension and bring lightness, joy and stillness within that is what I needed her to do, never fitting in peacemaker foundation it was called the place she built from all she had, always wanted to do and now it was coming true she could shine, so she thought but I needed her to come down, to expand, to understand in her inner most secret place, that it was never her, it was always ME and that all this time she fit in like hand in glove, like socks and shoes, like a horse and a carriage, all along she was perfect where she was years go by what do they mean? a journey travelled “be!” “be!” “be!” I tell you. “be! that’s all I need of you right now, right here, be with ME!” and so you are, finally fitting in.